


Only In My Head

by onlyhereforellick



Series: Angstober '20 [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, fictober 20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: She wanted to scream. Wanted to yell.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Series: Angstober '20 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952188
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	Only In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober '20 - "That's the easy part."

She wanted to scream. Wanted to yell. Wanted to _sob_.

 _“She is absolutely_ not _weighing on me…”_

_“Never has and never will.”_

He’d said it with such conviction, such determination in his voice that it truly would never happen. That this mystical fairytale she’d conjured inside her head was just that- a fairytale. It wasn’t real life, it wasn’t _her_ life.

A choked sob threatened to escape and her cheeks filled with air as her hand slapped her mouth closed. The traitorous tears slid down her surely red-stained face without stopping. Even all the strength in the world wouldn’t keep those in. It never would.

_Never has and never will._

Ellie’s shoulders shook, hell her entire body shook with silent tortured sobs. Nick never loved her, never had. He barely even _liked_ her for Christ’s sake. Something about a sister or mother or abuelita or whatever, she scoffed. She knew how much he talked about his family—that’s where she stood in his life.

Not even worthy enough to mention in passing for years on end.

A fresh wave of tears fell at that thought. One day they’d part ways- Gibbs’ trusty team wouldn’t be here forever, that part was sure. One day they’d say goodbye and it wouldn’t just be for the weekend. One day she’d walk out of Nick’s life and he wouldn’t mention her. Wouldn’t think of her. She’d be just that- gone. A long-ago memory drifting away without heed in the tumbling wind of the cold autumn evening.

A cracked noise narrowly escaped her mouth until she heard footfalls just mere inches away.

Ellie squeezed her eyes shut and tugged her arms around her knees folded into her chest even harder- refusing to move a muscle. Her lungs constricted as she even halted her breathing, nothing- nothing- could give her away. No one knew about the tiny supply closet only two doors down from Jack, no one. It had been her escape for months now when the emotions became overwhelming- Odette’s idea to find an out to process in peace.

No one knew. Not even Nick.

And as she felt his heavy footsteps pass and slowly decrease in volume, she finally let her breath out.

Sure it had been risky taking off in a dead sprint and turning abruptly less than 50 yards down the hall from the offending culprit. But she was blinded by pain, _hurt_. The searing white-hot knife to the gut when he said those words. She’d never mean anything to him.

_Never has and never will._

A long swallow and Ellie tried to collect herself- she couldn’t stay on the floor of her cold supply closet for eternity, no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn’t, she refused. She was stronger than that.

He didn’t have to know. He didn’t need to see how much his words killed her.

She didn’t mean anything to him? Well, looks like he didn’t mean anything to her, either.

Zero chemistry between them, huh Nick? Well, I’d say the opposite. Chemistry so potent its dangerous- there’s a hazardous warning label at the potential irreparable damage they could cause.

There was nothing between them? Ellie barked out an ironic laugh silently, sure fucking thing, Nick. Nothing between them. Nothing at all.

The last thought swirled in her head like a sip of cheap whiskey before the inevitable burning sensation as you swallowed your pride and tried to hide that it wasn’t pleasant.

Ellie repeated quietly out loud, slowly convincing herself, “Nothing between them.” The words made her bite her tongue till she winced.

But her resolve was stronger, she could do it. She could believe it. Believing there was nothing between them, she laughed again as she spoke softly to herself, “That’s the easy part.”

 _Because there was never anything there. Never has and never will- only ever in my head_ , Ellie thought wistfully as she stood up and placed her hand on the cool metal doorknob.


End file.
